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The Raven King

Posted on 2009.12.15 at 16:14
Current Location: Panera
Current Mood: chipperchipper
Current Music: Carol of the Bells
Tags:
Well... It's finished.

I hammered out a majority of my language's grammar this fall and decided to take a challenge from a Language construction group I'm a part of.

The Challenge was to Translate "The Raven King" from Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrel into your own constructed language. Which I did, proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that I have far, FAR too much time on my hands. My language, Pilael, is also shaping up nicely because of it.


For those interested, here's The Original Poem:
The Raven King

I reached out my hand; England's rivers turned and flowed the other way.
I reached out my hand; my enemies' blood stopt in their veins.
I reached out my hand; thought and memory flew out of my enemies' heads like a flock of starlings.
My enemies crumpled like empty sacks.
I came to them in mists and rain;
I came to them in dreams of midnight;
I came to them in a flock of ravens that filled the northern sky at dawn;
When they thought themselves safe, I came to them in a cry that broke the silence of a winter wood...

The rain made a door for me and I went through it;
The stones made a throne for me and I sat upon it;
Three kingdoms were given to me to be mine forever;
England was given to me to be mine forever.
The nameless slave wore a silver crown.
The nameless slave was a king in a strange country...
The weapons that my enemies raised against me are venerated in Hell as holy relics;
Plans that my enemies made against me are preserved as holy texts;
Blood that I shed upon ancient battlefields is scraped from the stained earth by Hell's sacristans and placed in a vessel of silver and ivory.

I gave magic to England, a valuable inheritance
But Englishmen have despised my gift;
Magic shall be written upon the sky by the rain but they shall not be able to read it;
Magic shall be written on the faces of the stony hills but their minds shall not be able to contain it;
In winter the barren trees shall be a black writing but they shall not understand it...

Two magicians shall appear in England.
The first shall fear me; the second shall long to behold me;
The first shall be governed by thieves and murderers; the second shall conspire at his own destruction;
The first shall bury his heart in a dark wood beneath the snow, yet still feel its ache; the second shall see his dearest possession in his enemy's hand...
The first shall pass his life alone; he shall be his own gaoler;
The second shall tread lonely roads, the storm above his head, seeking a dark tower upon a high hillside.
I sit upon a black throne in the shadows but they shall not be able to see me.

The rain shall make a door for me and I shall pass through it;
The stones shall make a throne for me and I shall sit upon it...
The nameless slave shall wear a silver crown;
The nameless slave shall be a king in a strange country...



And My Translation:
KaDoi Ravenath

Noi VuGefVoiras Mu ZaekRoiKae PasZhoi: Vun GisMoiGya PeZhaPaRu PethKa AnGoiKa: Vun TaxMa Tche
Noi VuGefVoiras Mu ZaekRoiKae PasZhoi: Vun VerZhunoidet yashis VaenathDhoi GilathDhoi TchaxedDae DhoikathDhoi PasZhoi
Noi VuGefVoiras Mu ZaekRoiKae PasZhoi: VunekKumTeth DeNu RekinathDhoi DhoikathDhoi PasZhoi VembPoifDi ZhubarRuParToi: Noi Moi Tchaged esTarRinathDhoi
ZhuxTaret DhoikaerRe PasZhoi: Noi Moi ishPaKaem Voir
Vi VuZumbas NuVe DafKamb NyaMiNiTyaToi ix KeGilMe
Vi VuZumbas NuVe aekZaKamb umbeshKa ix KeGilMe
Vi VuZumbas ix KeGilMe: Ze Tchaged RaVenathDhoi er Deroi Gis yafDoirKa DhatuKae ZuVuntKa
Noi VunRaTchuGya Gis DhethKa KeGilKya Vun idVuDemTath ekerRaPar: Vi VuZumbus ix KeGilMe: Ze KuraKae er GarRet umbRaTaf Mu VyuTinZhoid KilKa

VuboinNoid ux PasZhoi NyaMik Kaded: Vunkadas uf KishGoi PasZa
VuboinNoid ux PasZhoi asZuxKya VeRixMae: VuTchas dyak KishGoi PasZa
VuGambaret ix TePasZhoi KaDoiTaVi Ki ux emb VaTuNe PasZhoi
VuGambet ix PasZhoi AnGoiTaf ux emb VaTuNe PasZhoi
Vun VoiDiDag DuKaNu KasifZa Dubek ixTchuDa
Nya ix PethKa efVish DuKaNu KasifZa Kadoit
Noi etRaDent ix NarVuNit ufGaredDae Nuk VuZhiredet afTer PasZhoi DhoikToi PasZhoi yas: Noi Koi Kinaer KyaxedDae ZheKel
Dhaesharet ibZhaeTaVi Pak VuboinNoidet afTer PasZhoi DhoikToi PasZhoi yas: Moi erVoiTavi ZheKel
inkRent DeNu VentKa GurZan NuVe GaeNarVuMe Tchaxed Nuk VuKyakas TeNu TefalKamb ZeKoiNiTya VerZi yas: VuMikaset yashis Rekinath ixTchuGoi GudaGoi Toi

VuGambas ix DhanGoiNit NoiZheTaf: Nya NyabikMae DyaNe
Ku Vin ZhetorixGya DhanGoiKya GabarTaf TePasZhoi
Vi Keth erMadent NuVe NyaMim TeNu DhatuNit NyabikMae: Vi Ku Kemb Kefedet Za KeKyar KeGilTaeg KishTae
Vi Ker erMadent TeNu PerithDhoi TuKaMe asZu NyabikMae: Vi Ku Kemb Kefedet Za Ker ZhaeNoi yambPeKya GilZhoid KizTae
Vi Kikoi yashis KilKa VyaTinaerRe anktChu edDePaladDae ankKu: Vi Ku Kemb Ker ZiKyaGya Za KishTae

Vi KePaeloidet yashis PethKa AnGoiKa MoiNyabikZaf Doi
Vi Ker GaRuGya TunkZa Zhus PasTae: Vi Ker ifyadGya DiNed TunkZa Doif PasTae
Vi Ker Kavoint NuVe MoiKuZuMe MoinkZeMe Toi TunkTae Zhus: Vi Ker ibZhag TunkZa Doif RuDhaTaf TunkZhoi
Vi Ker PefKag yashis VyaTinathDhoi Zhuk Zet itPaeGoi TunkZa Zhus adDhuKae TunkZhoi: Vi Ku Ker asetag DukNe tCheked KishZhoi: Vi KeDiNedoid yashis ZaekRoiGoi Dhoikath TunkZa Doif KaVitTae ate TunkZhoi
Vi KeVyaroid PatZu TunkZa Zhus Vyax TunkZhoi: Vi Kidoi MoittChoik TunkZhoi
Vi Ker PalTug TunkZa Doif efVexMaesh PatZuNe ux KaDhi ZePentMae Zhuk TeNu TuKaNit ikNae MubKa: KiDoi Paer ReKin TunkZhoi DheDakDi
tCharoid yashis eshKiNiTya Dyak VeRixath ankKu TePasZa: Vi Ku Kemb efedet Za KeDiNed KeGilZaf PasTae

Vi KeboinNoid ux PasZhoi NyaMik Kaded: Vi Kenkadas uf KishGoi PasZa
Vi KeboinNoid ux PasZhoi asZuxKya VeRixMae: Vi KeTchas dyak KishGoi PasZa
Vi Ker VoiDiDag DuKaNu KasifZa Dubek ixTchuDa
Vi KiDoi ix PethKa efVish DuKaNu KasifZa Kadoit…


And so there you have it. Even in this trying junior year, I have found time to have too much time on my hands, make a language and translate a poem. I also made a font. But that's time wasting for another day.
Here's the first Verse of the Poem in my carving script: Further evidence

Intermission

Posted on 2008.09.12 at 18:16
Current Location: Um, here?
Current Mood: lazylazy
Current Music: Let Me Be Your Armor
Tags: , , , , ,
Intermission

Well, I'm not sure which of you guys has figured this out yet, but I haven't updated in a while. This is all for a very good reason: My book was taken away.

If you guys go back to the very beginning of this journal, you should remember that I had declared that I was not going to spend any money on this, and as such I was reading a borrowed copy from a friend. Well, came time for summer vacation and that friend wanted the book back. So before I could finish chapter 12, I had to stop reading. Flash forward to the end of the summer. No I'm back in school and I'm trying to get ahold of another copy of the book for borrowing. If that doesn't work, I'm going to buy a copy to finish the story, go through and write commentary in ink and sell it on Ebay afterwards as an "annotated" copy. Yay me.

But, I have been doing a couple of interesting Twilight-related projects just for fun, (Which people would probably either should me or love me for) and I figured between that and a general commentary on news and the movie I can get a decent "Intermission" to tide you over.

This is all really thrown together so please forgive awkwardness of phrase and logical inconsistencies.

Fangirls, facts and fictions: A Study of the Twilight Fanbase


I hang out in the writer's forum here on Gaia. Every time a Twilight thread is misplaced there it is invariably horribly spelled and mundane, with a large amount of smilies and many "Edwardz iz teh hottest!!!1!" phrases.

This has propagated the belief that only a grammar dumb dimwit would read Twilight and would only do so for pure sexual lust for the main hero. Genuinely liking it is like a black mark on your permanent record, or a crazy uncle who killed three people in a drunken rage. You keep it s secret or you spend you're whole life explaining to people why.

These are all gross generalizations, of course. But there has been no general evidence whether Twilight loving is correlated with lack of grammar or not... Until now.

I did what my friend called a "Sneaky and Underhanded, but nevertheless hilarious" experiment. A few months ago I used an older Gaia account of my sister's to go onto the Official Twilight Thread in the Book forum and the Official Anti-Twilight Thread. There I took a voluntary sample of people to respond to this questionnaire:





Quote:
Hello Official Twilight fan thread:

I'm conducting a survey which I was wondering if any one would like to contribute too. Just two questions, won't take too long.

1) What would you rate the series Twilight from one to one hundred with one hundred being high? (If you've only read some of it, then just rate for what you've read.)

2) Why (in two or three sentences) do you give it the rating you do?

If you could answer those for me, It'd be of great help and thank you in advance to any responders. It'd also help a bit if you don't include any spoilers from beyond New Moon, which I'm not finished with yet.

I'm sorry if this disturbs the thread.



From there, I counted up the number of grammatical/spelling errors in the written response and graphed it against their rating of the book 0-100. The results were small, with only 20 responses it could hardly be a very good sample, but my findings lead to the following graph:



So, as you can see, from my limited sample, it appears to have a slight positive trend in the graph, with higher scores have two or three more errors on average than those who gave it lower scores. However, with one exception, I would like to state that none of these posts were unreadable, or would have fallen into the inanity of the ones who invade the writer's forum. You may make of this data what you will, but I would encourage people to collect more and more accurate data before making any conclusions.

My personal conclusion: Many of the fans and anti fans who I got to talk two were wonderful people, and made valid points. However, one thing that is exceptionally clear is that once you mention the word "sample" once or twice when requesting more information, people get suspicious. I had a few people who I had to break down and tell via PM because they were seeing through my false pretenses.

If any on my readers contributed to this survey, I am sorry to have tricked you. It wouldn't work any other way.

Moving on.

Twilight: The Movie


Around the time I got started writing this commentary, The news of a Twilight Movie was released. Now pictures, publicity and a trailer later I must admit my mixed feelings.

On the one hand, one major complaint of my friend who finished the book was the slow pace of the plot and a movie will fix that. The Movie will also cut out many of Bella's internal monologues which were ranging from annoying to funny.

So, I'm going to see it, and give a review to you guys. But I'm going with some of my friends who are going for the sole purpose of being able to make fun of it. So we'll come up with some good jokes about it probably. So yeah. See you in December.

Breaking Dawn


Early on, I heard a lot of peculiar things about the final book in the Twilight series. So, in order to find out for myself I headed to Amazon.com to read customer reviews. I found out three things.

1) All the things I had heard were true. The very premise of the book broke it's own cannon in about seven different ways as well.

2) The Final book was so bad, that many members of the fandom are trying to pretend it didn't happen. The average score was 3 stars, with a majority wither fives or ones.

3) This I found out from a friend actually, and she thought it was hilarious. The Book ends (No spoilers) "And they live happily ever after, FOREVER."

Like her, I couldn't stop laughing when I heard that. But part of me died when I found out the premise. But, as I have no first-hand information I will hold off for another day.

Midnight Sun, or Rather the Delay of.


Midnight Sun is the Bastard Child of Twilight and Breaking Dawn in that It is told from Edward's point of view while being of Twilight, but presumably is attempting to make money as a sort of "Sequel" to the series.

Some one released a draft on the internet. Meyers was upset. She'd delayed the book indefinitely. The Fandom is pissed. The current draft version is up on her website. Have I missed anything?

I was considering looking over the draft on the internet and doing a commentary on that to interlude my adventures finding a new copy of Twilight. What would you guys think of that? Is it a good Idea or would you prefer radio silence? Tell me if you guys would like a go at it and I'll try doing a rant on the first chapter or so. Also a link to the internet copy would be appreciated.

Twilight: The musical


Okay, I know what many of you are thinking... no, this is not an announcement of anything made officially by Meyers or affiliates.

This is a project born by getting a whole bunch of girls who think Twilight was between okay and crap, Taking them to see Avenue Q and then sending them home late at night all in the same car.

So the Conversation started like this:

Me: He guys, do you know what would be really funny: Twilight! The Musical.
Elf: That would be hilarious! Let's see... Eddy-Weddy would definitely end all his sentences with "Because I love you! Bella."
Cat: Yeah, but he should be, like... um... a Ditz. And painfully oblivious of stuff. Like and Bella should spend the whole time trying to get him to have Sex.
Elf: Yeah! Like "Bella: Um... Edward? My dad is going to be out this weekend and I was wondering if you'd like to have a... a sleep over. Edward: Okay Bella! I'll bring my Karaoke Machine! Bella: Um... That's nice Edward... I'm... I'm going to invite Jacob too, okay? He loves Karaoke. Edward: Okay Bella!"

And thus the idea for the Twilight Musical was born. (Really its' the first three books as told from the writings of some one who's only read the first and knows the vague plot of the second and third. I hope you don't mind.) It's currently only an outline with Plot synopsis and song list, But even that is pretty funny. So I figured you guys might get a hoot out of it.(Brief lyric excerpts have been written places where I have them.)





Quote:
Twilight: The Musical


Act One:
Bella leaves Phoenix for Forks and sees the mysterious Cullens, then she’s attacked in a dark ally and Edward takes her out to dinner.

-Farewell to Phoenix
Bella
"I'm moving to that town of Forks, where lives my dad. I think my life is over! It really is that bad!"
-Forks (This Town Sucks)
Charlie, Bella and Chorus w/ solos
-What they didn’t learn in health class
Mr. Banner, Bella and Edward
-Fate not mentionable in a PG book
Edward, Bella and Guys Chorus
-I’m Dangerous but I like You Anyway
Edward, Bella
"Bella, There is danger, you can't stay near me."
"I don't care!"

Act Two:
Edward saves Bella from a car only to receive a head injury and loose all memories and his mind-reading powers.(He remembers that he loves Bella) Afterwards Bella visits him in the hospital and then Charlie invites him to go fishing. Meanwhile, Bella meets Jacob at the beach.

-That’s what Superheroes Do
Bella
"Maybe I'll be his Louis Lane, or possibly his Mary Jane! I don't know what this all means, but I don't have to. He saved me, because that's what Superheroes do!"
-Fleeting Memories(Like a Car Crash)
Edward and Alice
"Memories!"
"Why can't I remember you or me?"
"Memories"
"Is this who I am? I cannot see!"
-Eddy-weddy
Bella, and Jacob+ Cullen’s Chorus
-The Male Bonding Song
Charlie and Edward

Act Three:
The French Vampire shows up and Edward is revealed as a Vampire, at the same time Jacob is bitten by a Werewolf. (Gasp, what a coincidence!)

- Sacre Bleu, Yum!
French Vampire, Edward and Bella
- Because I Sparkle Bella!
Edward and Bella
"I don't Understand!"
"That's okay! Because I love you anyway!"
"But, a Vampire?"
"I know it's true! Because, you see, I Sparkle Bella!
- Because I love you Bella!
Edward
"Because I Love you Bella!"
-Abstinence is Beastly (But My Boyfriend is too)
Bella

Act Four:
Edward leaves for South America to eat rats because he loves Bella and in order to get over her grieving loss, Bella spends time with Jacob. Then they hook up. Afterwards, Bella is attacked by Italian Vampires and Jacob drives them off.

- I’m Dangerous but I Like you Anyway (Reprise)
Edward and Bella
-The Lone Wolf Tango- Under a Full Moon
Jacob and Bella
-That’s What Superheroes Do (Reprise)
Bella
- That’s a Morte
The Italian Vampires, Bella and Jacob
"When a dart hits your heart and it then fails to start, That's a Morte!"

Act Five:
Edward Randomly returns, and they have s slumber party, then the Italian Vampires return. Edward and Jacob team up to defeat Italian Vampires. Then they all go to prom and a dark secret is revealed.

-Forks (Reprise)
Bella, Edward and Chorus w/ Solos
-The Ice Cream Song
Bella, Edward and Jacob
-The Epic Song
Edward, Jacob, Bella and the Italian Vampires
-Slow Dance
Edward and Bella
-Because I love you Bella (Finale)
Edward, Bella, Jacob and Chorus



Well, as you can see it is incomplete at best. But that's all for now, See you next time!


Chapter Eleven: Complications

Posted on 2008.04.07 at 20:46
Current Location: >.> <.< Promise not to tell?
Current Music: Lullabye for a Stormy Night by Vienna Teng
Tags: , , , , , ,
    I'd like to be able to say that I haven't updated this in a long time due to some life-changing event that I would then proceed to tell you all about.

    Unfortunately, the reason I haven't updated this is simply because I haven't gotten around to it. Sorry.

    Let's just get started, shall we? Category today. I apologize for the shortness


Bella


    This chapter is supposed to be about developing Bella's character, I think. I seem to come up with another purpose, since very virtually no new dynamics or pieces of plot have developed. No new characters have been introduced. The only things that have happened are the various questioning periods by Edward to learn more about Bella.

    Which appears to be a mediocre excuse for a characterization info dump.

    The truth is, we don't learn anything new really about Bella, all the questions answered are just elaborations on things we already know from internal comments and/or previous conversation. Yes, Bella hates the color green, she misses Arizona and her favorite color's brown. Why do I care?  I don't. And I certainly don't care that your favorite gemstone is affected by the color of Edwards Eyes.

    But I digress.

       Well, okay, something does happen in the chapter. We have a slight development in her relationship with Mike. Mike comments on Edward and Bella's apparent relationship and expresses concern because he "looks at her like she's something to eat." This is a perfectly legitimate concern, even more so than he realizes and Bella just laughs him off.  (Am I the only one who thinks that Bella thinks of Edward as more of  Teddy bear than a the Grizzly that he is?) Another step away from the High school crowd. Edward: 25, Mike: 0.  Not to mention it shows Bella acting like a jerk to Mike when he's never been anything but nice to her. You know, I think I just don't really like how Bella's acting in this chapter.

    She's intent on not telling her Dad about their "Dating" (Not that Edward works too hard to discourage her), she's blowing off her old friends(even ones concerned about her safety) and she's pretty obsessive in general. She doesn't even react in an interesting way to all the "sexual tension" in this chapter.  Over all, I didn't really notice on the first read again, but the little things that just bugged me a tad started to add up.



    Bella's actually acting more thick headed than our Forksian Moron over there. I don't think it's intentional either. (Maybe being a jerk is a symptom of Edward addiction?)


Electricity


    The major example of a new phenomenon to appear in this chapter is, of course, what happens when the lights go out. This happens during a movie in biology. (Two consecutive movies actually.)

    It'd describes as "electricity and an overwhelming urge to touch Edward." What it is? We have no clue. Is it some Vampiric-prey thing? Is it one of Bella's special properties?  Is it Hormones? Edward appears to have the same thing in reverse. It's vaguely mysterious, but all together I'd say that if it was the purpose of this chapter to introduce it, it should be given more than a few pages.


Edward


    Edward was, yet again, found guilty of spying on Bella this chapter. He has a problem. A big problem. He doesn't have respect for people's privacy, Heck, he probably judges people by things he shouldn't have the right to know about them anyways.

    Okay, as it's been explicitly portrayed in the book, Edward's power has been used mildly intrusively. He listens in on conversations and occasionally looks for intentions. Nothing too bad. But what's inferred from these lesser offenses is that he's, in the past, committed greater ones.  How does he know how to listen into Jessica's Mind for the conversation between her and Bella unless he's done it before? Does he do it often if he wants to know something? What stops him from abusing his power to, say, cheat on tests or even to size people up before he meets them, without any intention of getting to know them better?

    I also worry about the effect this is going to have on his view of people in general. Sure, the people of forks have so far proved to be pretty shallow, but how must he consider them if he can read their thoughts? I mean, I'm one of probably a ton of people who thinks all sorts of things, shallow deep, fanciful-- anything and everything. But I only say what I think is appropriate for the situation or what I'm sure won't completely make me seems like an insensitive jerk. But I still think a whole bunch of things I'd never say.

    To summarize: Being able to read minds, sucks.

Twilight-the Return

    The Word "twilight" was used for the second time since the book began, although this time it was a seen which seemed some how more book-naming worthy than Bella randomly wandering around in the woods. It did actually reveal one of Edward's more depressing life views when he says that "Twilight is the safest time for us, but also the saddest... the Darkness always comes, it's so inevitable, isn't it?"

    I think he's a glass-half-empty sort of person. Maybe it comes from being old and cynical.


A special announcement:

For you Gaia readers, I will probably post a Live journal Only entry some time in the next few chapters. It will disrupt the regular set of Chapter review for something a bit different. This is just a heads up so that when I post a link to it later you'll know what's up.




Chapter Ten: Interrogations

Posted on 2008.03.05 at 16:01
Current Location: Why do I keep updating this?
Current Mood: sickSick
Current Music: Inspire
Tags: , , , , ,
    I am sick. I have a splitting headache. My throat is sore, my ears have pressure behind them and I am wiped out.

    But I'm bored and I want to have something to do until the Advil Cold and Sinus kicks in, so I'm trying to put together an entry for this chapter. I apologize if quality is low.


Running commentary, it's faster.
You guys know the drill, right?


    (196) I read the first paragraph of this chapter and I rolled my eyes. Bella is again showing what an unimaginative person she is. (I have a personal bias of course, but we'll get to that.)     She's trying to convince herself that last chapter wasn't a dream, by siting things she "couldn't have imagined" like smell.

    I personally think that the idea that people can't dream other senses besides sight and hearing is silly and wrong. I have dreams with smells, or tastes. Heck every other of my more vivid dreams has extensive tactile stuff in it. One time I had an interesting dream, it was a pretty stereotypical subject wise, (A flying dream to be specific) But I could feel all of the sensations Including a very vivid sense of the muscle attachments Connecting my body to my wings.  I can still call up the sensation if I try hard enough. I will admit that smells are rarer, but I do occasionally have them.

Anyways.

(197) Bella is really kind of obsessed.

    But of course now we get a glimpse Edward's clothing. Have you noticed how much Bella notices that she doesn't notice the Cullen's clothing?

    (198) Ugh. "I was curious to see if the sent could possibly be as good as I remembered. It was better." Gag me with a spoon.

      Edward is spoiled. Obviously since he can read people's minds he's not used to actually having to give people their privacy.  So it bugs him to no end that Bella doesn't divulge all her thought processes. That's kind of obnoxious. I know it's only natural for him to be aggravated, but let's face it: He invades people's most private sanctuaries on a regular basis. And now he's annoyed that he can't get inside Bella's head. He should just get over it.

    (199) Wow, apparently all the Cullens are as irresponsible on the road as Edward is. Or at least they "Like to drive fast". Is this just a vampire trait in general? Since Edward is the only one one who can read minds why the hell don't they get tickets?

    (200)
Of course RSJ (Random schoolgirl Jessica) wants to hear what happened. She's there for info dumps and some C-ranked subplots. That's her purpose.

    (201) And so Edward and Bella begin unofficially dating because "It's easier than any other explanation". Also, He's listening in on her conversations now. He can't stand not knowing, can he?

    (202) At least Bella thinks he Drives like a maniac too.

    (204) Okay, here  RSJ looses any sympathy I had for her as a character. She went from flat (but okay) side character to a shallow wench. I mean, Bella is really shallow too, but I really didn't expect all females in this book to be like that. (There's still hope for Angela I think, but not much.) Meh, I suppose I'm just kind of exasperated at the lack of female characters from outside a certain type.

    (207) The Apple's back. (Well another apple from the same dimension at least.) First apple in the book.

    Oh, and apparently Bella's eaten Dirt on a dare. I have too, a long time ago. It was pretty gross, but not as bad as you'd expect it to be. Your stomach just doesn't handle it well.

    (208) The Eavesdropping comes back up. He really needs to learn that it's okay to be able to keep secrets. In fact, he just needs to loose his mind reading for a few years to get more mature about it.

    (209) I was right, the dazzling joke came up again. Will this be a running gag? Probably.

    (210) Bella needs to learn something and she needs to learn it soon: In many ways, being ordinary makes you more desirable to teenage boys. I mean, being naturally pretty helps,  but in the end it's all opinion. But apparently having average intelligence and a certain attitude and maybe above average looks makes you easily date-able. I don't know why this is, but I've come to the conclusion that this must be true after being genuinely laughed at by boys upon asking if they'd ever date me. Having a certain amount of fixation on your physical appearance seems to help too.

    Especially, when the people are like those in Forks. (Everyone in this book seems a little more shallow than I'd like.) If you're smart or strong-willed they don't like you as much. Maybe you just have to buy into certain practices of boyfriend/girlfriend hood that the outsiders never get the memo. Maybe they're intimidated. I don't know.

    (211) And here's the traditional "I love you so much that I'll leave you if it will keep you safe." Not too bad. Bella doesn't really get it though.

    (212) Have you ever noticed that Bella keeps referencing herself as the clumsiest person alive, but she's fallen down once in the entire book so far? Sure I can see her being awkward, but this really looks a lot like something that's being not-so-subtly played up for use later.

    Also, I think Bella's putting her foot down now, she's asking if she can drive. Not that I blame her, Edward may have above average reaction time, but that doesn't prevent her from dying of a heart attack.

    (214) So the Cullens hunt Bears. That's one mystery solved. But aren't some bear species having trouble right now? (Specifically grizzly bears which they mention by name?)

    (216)Edward's right though, Bella does need to have some good heart wrenching terror.

    I'm feeling better, but I have little else to say. See you next time!


Chapter Nine: Theory

Posted on 2008.02.29 at 16:12
Current Location: Right back Where I started apparently
Current Mood: blahUnenthused
Current Music: Concrete Angel by Martina McBride
Tags: , , , , ,
    Meh, this chapter was not great. We didn't really learn anything new, (although it was set up as though we do) and there was a pretty corny love scene.
   
    I apologize for this taking so long though, I've had a super homework/project load because there's the "Biggest standardized test of my high school career" coming up which I have to pass to graduate. (The test itself is sickeningly easy and you can re take it up to four times if you don't pass at the pathetic 35% pass-fail split.)

    But there is something special about this entry: It's the first one I'm typing from my very own Laptop. (Named TECH in homage to the Paper Mario character TEC without jinxing this computer to the same fate.) It's a new dell and one of the few that doesn't run Vista. (A Latitude if you're curious) And I'm very happy with it.

    I have some category talk today, so let's get started, kay?

Bella

    This chapter was, let's face it, mostly about Bella. If this chapter was about Edward, we'd have learned something new about him. It was partially about their relationship, but mostly Bella. This chapter was about proving Bella right. We couldn't just know her theories and await the explosive eventual confrontation about them. She had be direct about it.

    This isn't all bad you understand. But it made the chapter full of characters reiterating what we already learned through speculation or infodump. Not all that great. Okay, I guess, but sometimes it's like she didn't get it the first time.

    Take, for instance, the revelation in the previous chapter about Edward's mind reading. He can hear distinct "Voices" of people from varying distances and can "tune in to them. The only exception to this ability he knows is Bella. So he describes it like a radio, were every one else is on an AM and he can only tune in there, but Bella's Mind is on an FM frequency. It's an apt analogy and makes a great deal of sense. Bella's first response: "Are you calling my a freak?"

    Yes Bella. Of course after he makes a couple of comments involving himself having to act normal because he can read people's thoughts he's calling you a freak. That makes so much sense.

    Another thing, Back in chapter six, (For which I skipped a proper Entry in favor of a lecture on the nature of Info dumps in fiction.) Jacob had admitted that telling Bella the legend of the "Cold ones" had violated a treaty between the Cullens and the Quileutes. So what does she do when Edward  asks her about her theory? She doesn't just say she got it from a legend, she says where she heard it from and specifically mentions Jacob by name. Wow, great way of getting him in trouble, huh?

    To be fair, she does go back and cover for him afterwards, insisting that he just thought it was a legend and that she flirted it out of him. But still: It wouldn't have exactly been brain surgery to try covering for Jacob by not mentioning his name in the beginning and only specify if he asked. (She still would have had to cover for him, but at least it'd look like she'd made more of an effort to begin with.)

    She's also being obsessive over Edward again. But I'll get back to that.

Edward

    Edward really spent this chapter in one big reaction shot. In fact, part of the point of the chapter was to make sure that He knows that Bella knows I think. (Setting up for later scenes most likely) And even before we get to the vampire stuff we see his reactions to a few things.

     For Instance: his expression in combination with word use. This happens four of five times in the chapter, Meyers would describe his facial features after a bit of information. It's not the greatest characterization I've ever seen, but it's an effective method that was used liberally. (It sort of reminds me of face close ups of actors in movies. Thus the reaction shot reference.)

      So, as I reference earlier, he describes his mind reading power and says he can block out people's thoughts and comments about it being easier to seem normal that way. He frowns at the use of the word normal. This is a fairly specific reaction that could mean one of a variety of things.
  1. He thinks of himself as normal and therefore feels strange trying to refer to himself as pretending to be normal.
  2. He doesn't think he's normal, but he doesn't really want to be, or at least it feels strange to him to think he's trying to fit in when he's happy as he is.
  3. He doesn't think any one is really normal, and so finds describing people closer to average as Normal doesn't really fit. Or:
  4. He doesn't like having to pretend and associated pretending with the word normal.
    I, personally, suspect that he's the last one, though being one of the first three would be an interesting addition to the character. Not as much angst I guess.

    There's also a reaction to the idea of his family being "vegetarians" in that they don't drink human blood. He's pretty amused at the sort of inside joke, but at the same time he's rather cautious about it and tries not to tempt himself as much as possible. It's much less ambiguous and more yawn worthy than the last one. There are a few more reactions later too.

    But Let's return to a last-chapter topic for an update: Edward's Driving.

     I think Edward's driving habits can officially be associated with his reckless second personality. His invulnerability combined with his mind-reading power seems to give him the confidence and ability to drive recklessly fast quite a lot without getting caught. So, what does he do? He consistently drives around 100 mph. And then he complains when Bella makes him slow down. (To a whopping 80 mph) Wow, that's really, really  bad driving. How in the world did he get his permit? Well, it probably involved reading the instructor's mind and correcting errors as they were noticed.

    And then there's the last reaction shot of the chapter: Edwards reaction to Bella's theory. (For which the chapter is named) It's a three part reaction.  The First reaction is all body language, with his expression and his method of speaking both unnaturally unreadable. It's pretty strait forward too, eyes on the road, hands on the wheel and he's clutching it so time that his knuckled are white. The fact that he's gripping the steering wheel so tightly means he's nervous(or angry). Why is he nervous(Or angry)? Because Bella is either correct or very close to it. 2 + 2 = 4. He really doesn't have much of a poker face. (Poker hands?)

    The second response is to Bella finishing her theory by saying that she doesn't care. This one manifests more in tone of voice and such. It's kind of bitter and sarcastic, asking her how she doesn't care if he's not human. Kinda bleh really. It's a very over-done speech I think, and while it's not done badly here, on the second read through of the chapter it's unremarkable.

    The third response really leads into the next topic: Edward's response to Bella's limited expression of feelings for him. I must say that in a certain respect that First Persona Edward really came through for me here.  First of all, he groans. He's annoyed at her. Edward being annoyed at Bella makes me feel all fuzzy inside. On the other hand, he also acts hypocritical, by saying that he's doing something which he commented on Bella doing back in chapter 2: Making himself miserable so that she won't be. Eh, over all it was kind of roll-eyes, but it was pretty well written.

Their Relationship

    Being stuck in a car together is some way to foster Bella-Edward interaction, thought I personally preferred being at the table where they were occasionally intruded upon.

    Well, as far as first serious talk of soon-to-be-forbidden-lovers it was not too bad I suppose. There were certainly some funny bits mixed in with the slightly corny ones. Let's just go over all of the noteworthy ones, shall we?

    The whole conversation about Edward's driving was pretty funny. It was also very similar to the one I'd have had in that situation. I already pretty much covered that in Edward's section though.

       I think the Dazzling people thing is going to become a running gag. First Edward Dazzles the waitress, then he gets to accuse her of Dazzling Jacob. I bet you there's another Dazzling reference later on to complete the joke.

    And then, of course, there's the obligatory "What's myth and what's real?" section, which is actually very well written in it's simplicity. The untagged dialog worked very well here.

    Okay, here's a really commentable one: Bella doesn't really realize how much trouble she's giving Edward until he mentions that it's a mistake for them to be alone together. Yet another example of our Heroine not thinking exactly clearly.  I mean, just look how he acted the first day they met. Maybe she didn't really think about everything enough to put it together? Maybe she's just not that smart.

    Aw, how quaint. Bella says she was worried about him when Edward says he spent all weekend wondering if she was okay. Cute, but kind of eye-roll worthy at the same time. In fact it was corny. Here is a pictorial representation of this scene:

CORN!

    Okay, the cool is back. Moving on:

    Here we get to the point where Edward Makes Bella cry. (I crack up laughing whenever I read this. Is that bad?) He's trying to get her to understand that he's dangerous. (Again) and she gets all upset and teary. Edward get's kind of appalled that she's so easy to make cry and she denies she's crying like a 3rd grader. Grade A stuff there.

    And then the final ominous warning about not going into the forest alone.  Sort of a DUN-DUN-DUUUN. Feel here. But it's not really original, even though it's vaguely foreshadowing.

    What do all these moments have in common? Well, for the most part during the first read they were all vaguely tolerable, but not all that impressive and upon further analysis broke down pretty much entirely. But Their actual relationship as people didn't really progress with any on them.

The Stanza

    One of the comments I recently got in a discussion about the book Twilight was that th back of the book spoiled the mystery that filled the first 200 pages. This seemed peculiar to me when I was reading because I was quite sure that Edward being a vampire was referenced as early as page 125. It didn't make sense... until now.

    The last paragraph of this chapter, on page 195, read thus:

"About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him-- and I didn't know how potent that part may be-- that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him."

    The back of the book reads thus:

"About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him-- and I didn't know how dominant that part may be-- that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him."

    I'm not sure if you caught it, but there's a one word difference between those two quotes. I certainly didn't catch it my first few times reading. Wow, a whole one word change. Amazing.  Two Hundred pages in and I feel like I've made full-circle.

    That's not good.



Chapter Eight: Port Angeles

Posted on 2008.02.21 at 15:29
Current Location: Dodging writing
Current Mood: amusedamused
Current Music: Breaking the Habit by Linkin Park
Tags: , , , , , ,
    How do I express my feelings about this chapter? It was certainly a mix of things, and not aided by my mind's stubborn refusal to get a picture of Bella.  Aw well, I don't really have larger topics to talk about this chapter, so I'm going to do the running one again, I think.


Let's get this over with

    (153) Here's a small look into Bella's Phoenix age. She didn't go out much... How... exciting.  But in all seriousness, The main difference here between Bella and my situations is that she didn't go out because no one ever asked her out. I still manage to have a life while finding myself one of the few perpetual singles. You can still have a social life without a Boyfriend. She obviously wasn't trying hard enough if she didn't even have a semi-friend group.

     Maybe the people of Phoenix are just mean.

     Oh, and Tyler's talking about how He's taking Bella to Prom... without asking her first. Nice. Such a smart move. "Prom" always sounds sort of ominous to me, like a gladiatorial game.  (I challenge you to...prom. --*Gasp*  Not Prom. Anything but that!)

    (156) Wow, that's a description of one sucky bookstore. I didn't know there were places without at least a decent, normal bookstore. On the other hand, I'm probably spoiled about that sort of thing since I've grown up in a college town with two bookstores but no stoplights. It's seriously that small. (We recently got our first four-way stop. It's momentous.)

    (157) Wow. Bella really is a magnet for every possible thing that could go wrong.

    (160) Herded. DUN-DUN DUUUUUUUUNNNN!

    (162) So the car that saves Bella from her unspecifiable-in- young-adult-literature fate fishtailed on the road and skidded to a stop in from of her?
   
    Now, I don't have my permit yet, but I'm pretty sure that breaks seven or eight traffic laws. The street was empty and all, but still.  Who's  the Reckless Maniac it driving this thing?
   
    Oh Right, It's Edward.

    Well, At least he makes her use her seat belt.

    (163) Okay, he's driving ticked. At least he's keeping his eyes on the road.

    Spoke too soon. "Distract me"? While you're driving? Are you insane? And now he's rubbing his temples. Why isn't he looking at the road? Am I the only person concerned with safety here?

Oh wait, they'd stopped, never mind. (She could have made it more obvious, I was getting worried)

    (164) Bad Bella, Don't joke about paralyzing people. It's very rude.

    Except when it's really funny, then it's okay.

    Oh, right, we were supposed to meet the generic school girls. How late are we now?

    (165) I can completely imagine the expression described here. I need a visual. But Light just doesn't seem to be cutting it.



He's not smiling. Eyes sort of work though.



Too Happy.



Eh, closer. Still not serious enough.



    Dang, that's still  not right. Hm... maybe he's just missing something. Well, Edward is a Vampire, right? Vampires suck blood. Light does not suck blood. So all we need is some one who's more Blood-sucking! Then they'll have the right expression!

    Oh! I know!

*Drum Roll*

Miles Edgeworth: Ace Prosecutor.



    Actually, he does look kind of Vampire-ish. Huh, and I was just picking him so I could make the Blood-sucking lawyer joke. He even has the right expression:



    Well, sort of. I love the this expression though.
*This concludes the visual part of today's feature*

    (166) Am I the only one who thinks its kind of telling that Angela and Jessica didn't go looking for Bella when she didn't show up? Even knowing that she hadn't been to Port Angeles before and that she might be lost, they still just waited. Some friends. What did I expect? They're secondary.

    At least Angela makes an effort to get Bella out of the situation if she needs help. Valiant, but in the end not enough to make up for the previous friend neglect.

    (167) Well, He's attempting to be charming.

    Bella's Right Edward, that was an unnecessary thing to do. Being Dazzled increased the chances of Hyperventilation and fainting among people of the opposite gender. You should be ashamed of yourself.

    (168) Yes Edward, you Dazzle people. Even Bella.

    Especially Bella.

   
He's just waiting for her to go into shock. Nothing special. Carry on.

    (169) Bella's very unobservant for such a superficial person. She spends so much time staring at the Cullen's faces she doesn't ever notice what they're wearing.

    (170) So Bella isn't normal. Nothing new here.

    (174) I find myself laughing hysterically when Edward uses the word "Unequivocally".... And then I start trying to break it down into Latin roots. (I suppose I'm just peculiar.)

    Am I the only person who's slightly creeped out by the fact that he's been following her?

    (176) Well, that was interesting. He seemed ashamed of himself for not being able to trust himself not to go back and "hunt" the guys who were ganging.  I have a feeling that this could lead in to the development of an interesting character flaw.  Could.

    (177)My estimation says that the lowest single bill that he could have had ready to pay for the check and tip would be a 50$. Wow. That's one heck of a tip.

Well, I suppose the only way to move is forward.

Chapter Seven: Nightmare

Posted on 2008.02.14 at 19:59
Current Location: A better Mood
Current Mood: cheerfulNone
Current Music: Damaged by Plummet
Tags: , , , ,
    Wow, I must say, I didn't think Meyers was going to be able to pull out of the nosedive that she'd set up during the last two chapters. But Chapter seven was, possibly, my favorite so far.

    Okay, so that isn't saying much, but still.

Let's keep this short, shall we?

    I really want to move on to reading the next chapter. (I'm impatient, for the first time since I read the first two chapters all in one block.) Not much happened, event-wise that is, in this chapter, but the slowdown really helped I think. Gave Bella a few 'minutes' to think about whats happened. So:

Bella 
    Bella spent this chapter spreading out the info-dump of last chapter.  She goes out into the woods to do some thinking and she works on answering what happens next. It's an internal thing, but it's very well written, especially considering that most of us wouldn't just accept this sort of thing as truth right away. (When you do that it's generally a sign that you're kind of... you know... insane.)  Like me, she needs time to digest large amounts of information, this is a trait that is useful and individualizing, which is a good sign.

    One of my more recent issues with Bella was the fact that she's very under-characterized.  I mean, does she have any hobbies? As far as I can see she's cooked, done homework, cleaned and gone out maybe twice since she got to Forks. She may have no social life now, but you don't see her ever mentioning anything else from her days in Phoenix either. No extra curriculars, no friends, nothing. (I think this is common in romance novels, maybe so that whoever's reading can  add on their own traits. I might be wrong, I'm not a a frequenter of the genre.)

    But in this chapter she's not only continued to not be annoying, but to gain more traits. We see she's not into metal music on the first page, later she shows impatience at a dial-up modem, so she's probably used to a faster internet connection. She mentions not having a good sense of direction when she goes on a walk to work stuff out. (Which I certainly do not relate to since I have nearly perfect relative direction sense of direction and I'm pretty good at picking out north.) She's indecisive. Or at least she hates making decisions. It's not a bad start, I have hope.

And, importantly, all these and many more are added in a pretty convincing and dramatized way.  I'm rather happy with her right now.

*sigh* If only I had confidence that it'd last.

Mike

    Yep, even Dog-boy has his chapter. Well, Bella finally clues him in that Jessica has a thing for him and he asks her out.  (I think he took Bella's subtle get-away-you're-nice-but-I'm-not-interested clue) I'm sure the two side characters will fall in love, get married, and never have any plot relevance again. Oh well, they really have the potential to become interesting. (Well, they might if they weren't obviously meant to be flat characters. I think Jessica especially has some nice traits.)

     Oh, and he doesn't understand what Misogynistic means either. Not exactly deep characterization, but he doesn't look quite as hopelessly one dimensional as before. He's still a bit of a Forksian Moron, but at least he isn't clueless.

Edward

...

    Why did I even put this here? Edward doesn't appear in this chapter at all.

Hehe... habit I guess.

Actually, that's mentionable in itself. Edward doesn't appear at all. Bizarre.

Other Comments

    Random tidbits about the chapter:

    (130) The chapter-naming worthy scene. This is a (more or less) stress dream, I think.  It redisplays all the information dumped in the last chapter-- probably just for people like me who are pausing between them, not that many would. Bella has mixed feelings about this one though.

    Edward is clearly portrayed as the villain of the dream, but she admits later that her cry when the dream Jacob attacks him to defend her (foreshadowing... oOoOOoo.) was mostly for Edward's sake. Talk about some conflict, huh?

    (132) I appreciate the mention of the slight dizziness you get after standing up: I have low blood pressure, so it happens to me every time I stand pretty much, more severely than for most people too. (I almost passed out standing to say the pledge of allegiance in school. That'd have been embarrassing.)

    (135) I find it very hard to believe that very few of the legends about vampires matched even one of the criteria Bella used when it included blood drinking, although the other stuff is, admittedly, more attributes of the popular vampire. (Strength and speed, immortal, pale, beauty, etc.)

    But I mean, come on.  At least most of the European folk lore has to include blood drinking to some degree.

    (138) Bella considers various options of what to do next. (Under the assumption that Jacob was both accurate and not lying, which she decides to make for now.) Her brain shudders at the thought of ignoring Edward and avoiding him, which (he even admitted it) would be the smart thing to do.

    She's not addicted to him. There are no signs of withdrawal symptoms here. Nothing to see... Move along. I said MOVE IT.

    (139) The word Twilight was used for the first time since the start of the book. A momentous occasion. Hurray.

    (140) She's complaining  about the greenery again. I really like the desriptions of the forests around her house though, it's the sort of place I'd go to hang out. Yeah... I'm just a little weird that way. Tiny bit.

    (145) First she's afraid he's there and then she's disappointed he isn't. This is starting to form a fairly predictable pattern.

    (148) I sympathize with Bella in this particular instance. After all, she too is having problems with the abundance of people in fiction named Edward Elric. How will we ever get on with our lives.

    Well, I seem to be doing just fine.

    (151) Yay! We're finally getting out of Forks.... To some where besides Phoenix! :D


    Yeah, that's all I got really.

See you all next time!

Chapter Six: Scary Stories

Posted on 2008.02.12 at 17:53
Current Location: Growling at the Exposition Bears
Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
Current Music: Fallen by Afterglow
Tags: , , , , , ,
    This entry is going to be quick and to the point. (If there's ever evidence that I don't like a chapter, it's that I don't want to rant about it.)


On the Nature of Infodump


    Exposition: We all know what I'm talking about, those necessary scenes where a character gets let in on some large amount of background information that they may-or-may not have known before in order to let the reader know. They are a regrettable, but important part of all fiction. Without knowing the backstory, nothing about the current situations or characters can ever make a full amount of sense.  Exposition (by my definition) can be put off quite a bit into the story until it is revealed, but in the end, if the reader has to know a piece of information the viewpoint character must either figure it out or be told.


    And That's where the problem is.


    I'm sure I don't have to name examples for you of stories where a great deal of exposition happens in the same place. But I will name it for you: an Infodump. Infodumps are not, by nature, bad. They do generally reveal information important to the plot in an interesting way. 


However:


    Chapter six of Twilight was, by far, one of the very worst kind of Infodumps. Where the viewpoint character is strait-out told the answer.


Why you ask?


    I have, of course, already had the answer to the first 100 page's mystery spoiled for me by the large print on the back. That's okay, it was good for advertising, I understand that and am somewhat forgiving. (If not the most, I hate having plot pints spoiled for me) 

    Now, in this chapter we meet Jacob, (Who I know for a fact goes on to be important in later books, or at least the fans seem to think so.) and some one mentions something that seems to indicate that the Cullens aren't allowed on the Land of their Reservation.

    Okay, interesting plot development. I'm good with that.

    And then, without much prodding, Bella gets him to spill out that the Cullens were vampires and the people on the reservation were werewolves.  I mean, he didn't just end with the "ancient story" about the "cold faces" who hunted human beings.  Bella is smart enough to add 2 and 2 and get 4 right?

    Apparently, that wasn't blatantly obvious enough. No, Jacob had to go in specifically that the Cullens were the same people who had made the original bargain and that they were vampires. Bella did no thinking at all. It was horrible. It completely ruined the chapter for me.

     Here is my first law of exposition:
Never deprive the reader of something to think about.

    Part of the fun of this first 120 pages of story was the alluded mystery. It wasn't that I was all that interested in Bella's life, or to a degree, in Edward's life. Alone, they meant nothing to me. (Which is a rant in itself, but for another day.)  Together, watching them interact, was the appeal. That's what's really bothered me, I think.

    The fundamental pattern of actions in the first few chapters involved Edward's abstract distance and curiosity about Bella at the same time as Bella's curiosity was leading her closer to the horrible truth about the Cullens.  This flow would lead, eventually, toward the point we are now, with Edward moving in close to Bella  and with Bella's horrible revelation.

    However, the normal flow of information would not have gotten to this point for a good two or three chapters. So, in order to jumpstart the action, both  of the actions must be moved forward. This explains Edward's second personality and this premature revelation.

    It's not like they gave us (and Bella) the pieces of the puzzle and pointed us in the right direction either. They came out and freaking told us. So much for letting the reader think, huh?

    But to tell you the truth, I could rant about the bugled exposition for hours. As a whole this chapter had a few good bits, but I'm just ready to wash my hands of it and move onto the next.


Chapter Five: Blood Type

Posted on 2008.02.10 at 17:07
Current Location: On the side track; blame anime
Current Mood: apatheticapathetic
Current Music: Hand of Sorrow
Tags: , , , , , , ,
     Sorry for the delay to you people who may, or may not be waiting for this entry.  Recently I've found a few sites that host anime on the internet and  I have the regrettable habit of getting addicted once I start  watching one. You can blame Fullmetal Alchemist for this most recent delay. (It's a great anime, the Manga is better in my opinion, but the ending of the anime was phenomenal. I mean really a phenomenon, not x saves y from a car. XD)

     All right, this entry is another experiment. I intend to vary my style of entry to the chapter until I find one that really suites me, okay? Well, in this section, I'll go through the chapter mostly in order pointing out specific points (With page numbers) and talk a little bit about them, occasionally referring to another point with may or may not gets it's own entry. Most of these entries will be about Edward or Bella and their development in this chapter.  My parents got me some post-its for doing this, and after reading chapter 5 here's what I came up with:



I apologize for the blurring, I'm a minor and I didn't want anything that could identify my house or my self on the internet, sorry. Anyways, each one of the little post-its is something I'm referring to.  That was just for the curious, so:

On with the show!

    This chapter starts just as the other leaves off, with the moments immediately after Edward's slightly ambiguous invitation to be given a ride to Seattle. Them getting stuck in the car together seems a pretty good way to have some interesting moments and have them get to know each other, no? I was really looking forward to a progression in their relationship during the trip. Looking forward to it.  I mean, when I first started this book I was expecting to hate it, and Now I'm looking forward to an event, can you imagine?

    ....But then this chapter completely ruined it for me. 

    Edward, the vaguely interesting character created in the first four chapters, might have opened up on the trip a bit, who knows? But until being forced into private talk with Bella, he's smart enough to keep public indifference, right? The character I knew wouldn't jump into anything after that speech made last chapter.

    Apparently not. (87) two pages into the chapter Edward breaks habit and not only doesn't sit with his siblings, but he invites Bella to sit with him. (In an incredibly flirty fashion I might add.) It's not just that he's smiling and being the sort-of gentlemanly polite we've come to expect from him. No, he's just acting like he was always this way. I therefore Hypothesize that Edward Elric has a split personality. (Dun-dun-duuun) I mean look at these two faces, they don't even look like the same person:



    (88) Stop trying to pull that "I've decided to stop trying to stay away from you" shit. You weren't an idiot thirty seconds ago, what reason could you possibly have for changing your attitude between first period and lunch? You were supposed to be keeping a distance, making judgments from afar, there's no fun  when you're mysterious up close.  I want to pout. 

    I'll admit it, I was well on my way to having Edward being my favorite character. He seemed to be genuinely likable, smart and just an over all cool guy with an awesome sense of humor, but at a distance that  made him a character rather than a dream-boy x. And then his second personality shows up, the reckless, intelligent (but usually stupid) one who has an obsession with Bella that causes him to flirt, badly.  I think Persona two is going to destroy him. Let's see how this progresses, shall we?

    (89) Okay, brief interlude back into persona one. A warning that Bella still doesn't get and then a crack at the fact that she's theorizing about him. The humor is still there at least.

    (91)  Bella seems on her non annoying swing too, the whole "warn me next time you decide to ignore me for my own good,"  comment was pretty funny.

    (92) The entire conversation about whether Edward  is a superhero  would be a lot less complete humor if the back of the book didn't already spoil this whole situation. 

    (93) Bella know finally gets that his warnings about him being dangerous may have something to them. No duh. He's been saying them for, like four chapters and he held up a fisckin' car with his bare hands. Maybe he's a tad dangerous. Just maybe.

    (93) He says it's healthy to skip class. Personality two officially sucks. (There is a reason he's skipping, but I just hate the way he phrased that. It's supposed to make him seem bad-ass I suppose. It just made him seem kinda pricky to me.

    (94) There are very few ways to instantly get a bit of my sympathy for for a character, but Meyers has found one which really hits a nerve for me, or vein rather.

     You see, I have small and deep veins, this means that it's very hard for people to take my blood from the normal place, the elbow. I first discovered this when is took the nurse round 15 minutes of poking different places in my arm left arm and then my right to find a vein for a blood test. (An allergy test to be specific, We never did get one to see if I'm allergic to citrus or not, we just assume now and I avoid it.) She never got a drop of blood.

    I almost passed out, meaning that they couldn't just go for it, but I felt really light headed and stuff when I left. It really sucked.

    Anyways, in case you haven't guessed, Bella has an aversion to the sight of blood.  I do too, (Human at least, dissecting animals is okay, but I tend to twitch a bit when I see a human bleeding. It bothers me less now though, Needles are worse) They're doing a blood type test in science for an upcoming drive and she gets all nauseated. 

    (97) Hu-rah, Edward's showed up. Bella, for once, is NOT happy to see him. He's all panicky, poor, slightly obsessive second-persona Edward. Bella's Put-me-down-I-will-not-be-carried-to-the-nurses-office-thanks-much it pretty awesome for a semi-queasy about to faint person. 
   
    Stop lying Edward, she didn't actually faint. She just sort-of half collapsed on the way getting escorted to the Nurses office. That's totally not the same thing.

    (98) Second Persona Edward shows yet another trait, being horribly over imaginative. (If this had showed up without the other stuf, I might have let it pass, but not now) "I thought he was dragging your body off to bury you," Seriously

   
(99) At Least he does normal thing when he skips class. Listening to his CD player. What was Bella expecting him to do? Save the world? (A quite plausible Idea)

(100) Now, now Edward, saying that humans can't smell blood is inaccurate at best. As any girl could tell you, all human beings can smell stale or rotting blood. It's arguable whether humans can smell fresh blood, but I tend to think you can if your in tune with that sort of thing. (I tend to be, but I'm really not around Blood enough to have a smell pegged out yet. But, I, for instance, can recognize to a degree the smells of my closest friends and family and differentiate between them.)

    (103) Oh dear, she's starting to get a tad obsessive again. (Can we get a squad looking for a Vampire rehab center?)

    (104) Of course he's pushy, Bella. Haven't you noticed how obsessive and pushy he's been this whole chapter? Persona two I'm telling you.

    (105) On a more positive note, he likes Classical music. I've always been a fan myself. Hm.

    (109) Yeah, It appears that Bella is a danger magnet, don't take it personally main character, but it's refreshing to see some Genre Savy-ness in Edward now. He's not as stupid as he appears in Persona 2 apparently.

Final thoughts
 
    I did not like most of the Edward development in this chapter, he went from borderline in three to decent in four to over the line here. What I hated most was that there was no reason for his sudden change in personality. He made a step closer to her and then jumped up right beside her for no seeable reason.  You could have taken out the lunch section entirely and it would have made the chapter better.  Trust me. 

Chapter Four: Invitation

Posted on 2008.02.01 at 17:42
Current Location: Trying to get it done
Current Mood: exhaustedexhausted
Current Music: The ringing noise from screens.
Tags: , , , ,
    Well, I've got a wide array of topics for you people today. Not a running commentary though, so you people (if you exist) who always check these updates with a copy in hand to check out what I'm talking about, you'll have to just check the multiple page listings at the end of the rant, okay?

    I'd like to take a short moment to say that since I last updated I discovered something about my Gaia chapter of this journal which threw me for a loop: People are reading this. And they like what I have to say. That's kinda cool for me, whose writing has never been particularly noticed in either real life or the internet(save by my close friends). Thanks a lot to every one reading this and commenting for making my day. 

    But Let's face it, that was really Sappy and Boring, On with the show:

The Dream
(68)
   The Chapter lead in from last entry where Bella first dreams of Edward Cullen.

    It's not the most interesting dream, but it's a very believable one for Bella to have. Traditional "Loosing touch" dream mixed in with "Crush dream," My only complaint is that it doesn't seem weird enough to be a dream. But that's probably just me.

     I had a dream about a boy once. It was very different from hers, but it was a more happy dream since I hadn't been actively spurned... yet. It's the curse of actually having a distinct personality from the female mass that no one really wants to date you. I don't think he ever knew how seriously I had a crush on him. (I'm sort of finding it hard to believe too, looking back on it.)

    Anyways, back on target. Bella shows with this dream her fear that Edward doesn't trust her and never will. So she's probably a combination of Ticked off and lonely.

    But, really, I wonder if her dream says anything about her? I mean Edward moves away into Darkness and she follows, but she can't catch up? Have you ever had a dream like that? It's not even deep foreshadowing.

    My dreams are more like this one I had last night. (It was a running story, but I only remember a few images of it) It started out with my friends and I living in an abandoned house and scavenging for materials and then we went out to lunch at a Chinese restaurant and mentioned that we should invite a couple of people and then they randomly show up. Later we're in a car being chased by a bus full of blue cloaked figures running for our lives, then later still I'm in an auditorium trying to distract the head of a group of choir singers to lead the leader of a resistance movement escape up the single staircase that gets him to safety. Then the doorbell rang and I woke up.

    I dare you to try to find some deep philosophical meaning in that.

Unwanted Attention
(68-78)
    Nothing improves Popularity more than public almost-death.

    This only works for Bella though because, of course, Edward just "appeared" under the car and was in no way involved with the rescue. I assert again that the people of Forks are Morons.

    Let's review some basic logic for the people of Forks, Shall we? If you put a marble under a plastic cup and wait and then remove the cup to find two marbles there are only about three things that could have happened:
  1. The first marble performed Binary fission and became two marbles
  2. The Marble went through the cup or table to get into that space or
  3. The Marble was deposited under the cup before the space was sealed, possibly too fast to see since you didn't notice the other marble.
Wasn't it Sherlock Holmes who is quoted as saying "If you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains must be the truth"?  Anyways, we know that Marbles don't multiply and can't go through the cup or table. (Or, comparing to the current situation, Humans take nine months to incubate and people can't phase through cars.)

Therefore the Marble was deposited under the cup, or Edward under the car, before they were trapped. He saved her life, get over your stick-in-mudness and accept it. You don't have to like it, but at least acknowledge it.

The Girl's Choice Dance
(71-82)
    Ah, a fantastic way to solve all love triangles, the Girl's Choice Dance. Let the girl decide who she wants, what could possibly go wrong?

    You know, I've never actually been in a school that had a Sadie Hawken's  Dance. As far as I know it could all be an elaborate hoax that they exist. But I doubt it.  Anyways, the Girls Choice Dance as It's practiced in Forks seems to be anything but. I mean, the Guys go around asking if the girls are going to ask them. How is that different than a normal Dance? (Except that it's , you know, more complicated)

    I'm not much of a dancegoer myself, but I can see how Bella's annoyance gets built up so fast in this chapter. I mean, three guys all asking her to ask them to a dance. I've had occasional problems in the past with people getting crushes on me when they're not welcome. A whopping two of these problems actually, a year or so apart, which is actually  the sum total of all the times I'm ever been asked out with any seriousness. (People sometimes think it's funny to say they like me or that their friends do to see how I react. I've gotten used to it by now, but it's still annoying.)

    Anyways, if there's one thing I found interesting about the situation it was...

The Witty Banter
(74-75, 82-84)
    I'll admit it. I'm a fan of good dialogue.

    I'm one of those people who, when they really love a book, will memorize pieces of dialogue and be able to pull them up from memory if the time is right. And the Most memorable type of dialogue? Banter, the going back and forth between people who aren't exactly friends or enemies but something in between.

    And right now the atmosphere between Edward and Bella cooks up some good conversations.  One about how Edward admits that he's being rude, and then  Bella snaps at him and he snaps back, and the other, more interesting conversation.

     The second conversation, where Edward asks Bella if she'd like a ride to Seattle (Which is the excuse she'd used to get out of going to the dance with any of her admirers) serves to further complicate Edward's apparent motive.  He offers her a ride because he's pretty sure her piece of Gohsa Truck won't be able to make it. On the other hand, he doesn't sound like he's doing it to be a "date". On a third Hand he admits he wants to be Bella's friend, it's just better if they aren't.  Now I know where this is going, but it's fun to talk about anyways.

    Meh, I'm going to stop talking about dialogue, it's hard.

The Mini Biology Update
(73)
    Another insight into the Forks Biology curriculum this chapter. Edward is shown mentioning the Kreb's cycle in the tad bit of dialogue that was supposed to characterize the class period. Now, last time we checked in on our heroes they were learning about Mitosis.

    This may come from my own experience a bit, but don't you learn about Cell respiration before you get to cell division? I mean, cell division leads right into genetics and then into evolution. So why are they discussing the Kreb's cycle right now?  It really makes no sense to go into the energy making processes of  cells between cell division and Genetics and they can't have already finished the genetics/evolution arc, right?

     Well, Maybe Forks is just weird. Really, really weird.


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